Even though they were never one of my favorite bands (after “Reign in Blood,” I didn’t bother), a National Day of Slayer on June 6 does seem fitting. Or a Day of Iron ("666 The Number of the Beast") Maiden. As the site suggests:
“Stage a Slay-out. Don’t go to work. Listen to Slayer.”
According to Wernher von Braun (one of the high-ranking Nazis who came over under Paperclip), in testimony presented to Congress by his spokesperson, Dr. Carol Rosin, he said the public were fools if they didn’t realize that WW2 had been contrived … He said the greatest threats to civilization were pre-planned and would come in this order:
1. Facism
2. Communism
3. Terrorism
4. Asteroid impact
5. Alien invasion
He also said that every single one of them would be contrived and serve no purpose other than to unite the world under one military/government and thus consolidate the money and power. His quote was something like, “The last card is the alien card. We are going to have to build space-based weapons against aliens, and all of it is a lie.”
So the next President looks to be the “asteroid president” – or, like Clinton, serve as the 10-year buffer between two “enemies.”
Oh, the joy of winning a dual fighter
right before a challenging stage!Christmas was dandy, and rekindled an old addiction: Galaga, thanks to those Jakks TV Games joysticks. The one I got also contained Pole Position (to which my five-year-old is now addicted), Ms. Pac Man, Mappy (errr?), and Xevious.1 Question: How did I miss Xevious in my youth? Sure, it’s no Galaga, but it is damn fun, and I, like, totally don’t remember it, dude.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll watch Starman and Explorers again, for the first time in two decades …
______________
1The page referenced was last upated in June 1997. Man, am I that old?
Imaging thousands of cells responsible for detecting color in the deepest layer of the eye, scientists found that our eyes are wired differently. The results suggest that the brain plays an even more significant role than thought in deciding what we see—or not, if NIDS won’t let you.
And for lack of a better segue …
WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the
Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote “Nay” on this concurrent resolution are “FREAKIN’ IDIOTS!” and run the risk of having the “Worst Day of Their Lives!”
Oh, it’s true (and old news, but still): Idaho passed House Concurrent Resolution No. 29 this year to commend filmmakers Jared and Jerusha Hess for producing the film Napoleon Dynamite. The resolution explains that the film has raised the nation’s awareness about Idaho, and several clauses make reference to the benefits the film brought to the state, including economic growth through promotion of tater tots (and thus is worth quoting in full):
LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF IDAHO
Fifty-eighth Legislature First Regular Session - 2005
IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
HOUSE CONCURRENT RESOLUTION NO. 29
BY WAYS AND MEANS COMMITTEEA CONCURRENT RESOLUTION STATING LEGISLATIVE FINDINGS AND COMMENDING JARED AND JERUSHA HESS AND THE CITY OF PRESTON FOR THE PRODUCTION OF THE MOVIE “NAPOLEON
DYNAMITE.”Be It Resolved by the Legislature of the State of Idaho:
WHEREAS, the State of Idaho recognizes the vision, talent and
creativity of Jared and Jerusha Hess in the writing and production of
“Napoleon Dynamite"; and
WHEREAS, the scenic and beautiful City of Preston, County of Franklin and the State of Idaho are experiencing increased tourism and economic growth; and
WHEREAS, filmmaker Jared Hess is a native Idahoan who was
educated in the Idaho public school system; and
WHEREAS, the Preston High School administration and staff,
particularly the cafeteria staff, have enjoyed notoriety and worldwide attention; and
WHEREAS, tater tots figure prominently in this film thus
promoting Idaho’s most famous export; and
WHEREAS, the friendship between Napoleon and Pedro has
furthered multiethnic relationships; and
WHEREAS, Uncle Rico’s football skills are a testament to Idaho
athletics; and
WHEREAS, Napoleon’s bicycle and Kip’s skateboard promote better
air quality and carpooling as alternatives to fuel-dependent methods of transportation; and
WHEREAS, Grandma’s trip to the St. Anthony Sand Dunes highlights
a long-honored Idaho vacation destination; and
WHEREAS, Rico and Kip’s Tupperware sales and Deb’s keychains
and glamour shots promote entrepreneurism and self-sufficiency in Idaho’s small towns; and
WHEREAS, Napoleon’s artistic rendition of Trisha is an example
of the importance of the visual arts in K-12 education; and
WHEREAS, the schoolwide Preston High School student body
elections foster an awareness in Idaho’s youth of public service and civic duty; and
WHEREAS, the “Happy Hands” club and the requirement that
candidates for school president present a skit is an example of the importance of theater arts in K-12 education; and
WHEREAS, Pedro’s efforts to bake a cake for Summer illustrate the
positive connection between culinary skills to lifelong relationships; and
WHEREAS, Kip’s relationship with LaFawnduh is a tribute to
e-commerce and Idaho’s technology-driven industry; and
WHEREAS, Kip and LaFawnduh’s wedding shows Idaho’s commitment
to healthy marriages; and
WHEREAS, the prevalence of cooked steak as a primary food group
pays tribute to Idaho’s beef industry; and
WHEREAS, Napoleon’s tetherball dexterity emphasizes the
importance of physical education in Idaho public schools; and
WHEREAS, Tina the llama, the chickens with large talons, the
4-H milk cows, and the Honeymoon Stallion showcase Idaho’s animal husbandry; and
WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the
Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote “Nay” on this concurrent resolution are “FREAKIN’ IDIOTS!” and run the risk of having the “Worst Day of Their Lives!”NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED by the members of the First
Regular Session of the Fifty-eighth Idaho Legislature, the House of Representatives and the Senate concurring therein, that we commend Jared and Jerusha Hess and the City of Preston for showcasing the positive aspects of Idaho’s youth, rural culture, education system, athletics, economic prosperity and diversity.
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that we, the members of the House of
Representatives and the Senate of the State of Idaho, advocate always following your heart, and thus we eagerly await the next cinematic undertaking of Idaho’s Hess family.
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Chief Clerk of the House of
Representatives be, and she is hereby authorized and directed to forward a copy of this resolution to Jared and Jerusha Hess, the Mayor of the City of Preston and the Principal of Preston High School.Statement of Purpose / Fiscal Impact
RS 15236
The purpose of this resolution is to recognize and commend Jared
and Jerusha Hess for their cinematic talents by which they have
increased the nation’s awareness of Idaho.
FISCAL NOTE
There is no fiscal impact to the general fund.
Contact Name:
Representative Larry Bradford
Representative Max Black
Hungry for worms?
Might want to get a Kleenex handy for this one, folks, as reported by CNN:
An increasing crankiness over being in session just days before Christmas set in, and senators worried about being able to catch flights home.
Boo. Hoo. I’ll be working up through the 23rd and be back in my cube come December 28—and I have it better than most folks. So suck it up, Senators, and do your fucking jobs. When you show restraint with spending, war powers, and gutting civil liberties, then you might get a bit of sympathy … but don’t count on it. You’re still overpaid for doing next to nothing for anyone but your own rich, white friends.
Gee … I guess I’m getting cranky, too. Merry friggin’ Christmas.
In case you missed it over the weekend:
Now, who here can say “spin” with me? In my book, lying is one thing, but authorizing secret jails, torture, and warrantless spying on U.S. citizens is beyond the pale. Clinton got impeached for lying about an affair. So what about Bush?
Now stop thinking so much and play some games.
The best thing about Ann Coulter saying to a University of Connecticut crowd, “I love to engage in repartee with people who are stupider than I am” is that she has once again shown herself to be the true ignoramus. Yes, “stupider” is a word, but the preferred—and more intelligent (intelligenter?)—usage is “more stupid.” I’m also not convinced that her opinion can end with “am,” but I’ll let the grammar gods argue that one.
Either way… Thanks, Ann—I like to read quotes from people more stupid than I.
loved by nerds … reviled by Bill Gates
(and Old Navy, apparently)Well, after my harddrive failed and Windoze XP refused to reinstall from the disc on the new drive (okay, it installed, but it said my integrated soundcard wasn’t “plugged in” and it wouldn’t recognize my internet connection, even though it showed it as active, so it was basically useless), I decided to take it as a sign and finally make the full move to Linux.
Mandriva 2005 LE (for the wife, since it’s a lot like Windoze) installed flawlessly in about 20 minutes; Agnula’s DeMuDi (for my a/v needs) followed on the rest of my new drive in about the same time. Which, if you’re keeping track, means I had two fully functional Linux systems up and running in the same amount of time it took Windoze to not install correctly. So much for getting what you pay for. And the only drawback so far? We can’t shop online at OldNavy.com. I know, I know – no huge loss, but I’d still like to share the flawed logic of whoever is designing their site:
Original Message to Old Navy customer support:
I can’t access your site. Or rather, I can access it, but I can’t get past the “error” page saying you need certain platforms and browsers. Well, I’m using Firefox 1.0.2, but it’s running under Linux, so you won’t let me access the site, apparently.
Does this mean you only want customers who use your exact platform/browser of choice? I understand the issues of cross-browser webdesign, but to be platform specific as well, AND not let people access the site at all until they comply … ?
Hey … Your choice. Guess I’ll shop somewhere less demanding.
Their reply:
Dear oldnavy.com Customer,
Thank you for your e-mail. We apologize for the difficulties you experienced on our site. Currently we support AOL, Netscape Navigator, Microsoft Internet Explorer, and Firefox for PC users. Unfortunately, we temporarily do not support Microsoft Internet Explorer for Macintosh. Our developers are aware of this issue and hope to have this resolved soon.
If you continue to experience problems with any of the browsers that we support, please check your browser settings to confirm that they meet our requirements. For Mac users having difficulties using Safari, you can download Firefox for free at www.mozilla.org/products/firefox/
If we may be of further assistance, please contact us via e-mail at custserv@oldnavy.com or by calling 1-800-OLD-NAVY. Our Customer Service Consultants are available 24 hours a day for your convenience.
Sincerely,
Jessica
Customer Service Consultant
My reply:
Linux is not Macintosh, for the record.
You might want to get the developers to work on making your site, say, PLATFORM INDEPENDENT. You know, like Amazon and ebay and every other site on the planet can manage.
It’s absolutely ridiculous – and completely unnecessary – to develop a site that sniffs for operating systems. Any piece of webware you run comes from your servers, not my machine.
And for the record, I’ll bet your servers are Unix, which is effectively Linux.
Guess I’ll shop elsewhere. Thanks for wasting my time.
PS: Are Linux users welcome in your stores? Or do you have guards at the doors making sure everyone is running a system you like?
Their reply:
Dear oldnavy.com Customer,
Thank you for your recent e-mail regarding the enhancements we have made to our website. We were sorry to hear you cannot access our site. Customer feedback is very important to us. In an effort to improve the shopping experience for everyone, please be assured your comments will be forwarded to our Technical Team. We appreciate the time you have taken to share your concerns with us and hope you will give us another opportunity to serve you in the future.
If we may be of further assistance, please contact us via e-mail at custserv@oldnavy.com or call 1-800-OLD-NAVY. Our Customer Service Consultants are available 24 hours a day for your convenience.
Sincerely,
Erin
Customer Service Consultant
So what I’ve gleaned is that they actually don’t like Macs, because they haven’t developed a site that works in Safari. Linux wasn’t even on the radar.
Now, most other sites in the world would sniff out your browser and pop up a message that says, basically, “You’re using Safari and this site blows in Safari, so please use something else, like Explorer or Netscape or Firefox.” Old Navy, on the other hand, has opted to sniff for the user’s operating system, and block anyone not using Windows. While this does take care of Mac users who like Safari, it also nixes Linux users using one of the supported browsers (Firefox here, of course).
If you’re so inspired, shoot them a message and ask them what gives. Warning me the site might not function correctly is one thing, but completely blocking people out because they don’t use Windows? That’s crap.
And I thought Old Navy was the store du jour for the hip young dudes … ?
I still don’t have much time, so let me just share with you the directions to a child’s toy from a birthday party we attended this weekend. The toy is called “SLING SHOT,” although judging by the placement and size of the text on the packaging, you might think it’s called, “DON’T SWALLOW.” I assume this is because it’s too big to swallow, or else they’re lying about the tiny “non-toxic” in the lower left corner. But I digress. The real joy of this toy comes from the 3-step directions on the back (apparently the diagram of the rubbery beetle being stretch back over your thumb like a rubber band wasn’t explicative enough) – and I quote verbatim:
So apart from the fact that steps 2 and 3 aren’t directions at all, let’s revisit step 3: You can shoot at each other and will not feel pain. WTF? What kind of toy promotes shooting at each other, especially with the added assurance that you will not – categorically – feel pain?
Well, at least the back of the package also contains this advice: “Please wash with soap after being dirty.”
Yes, indeed. Showers for everyone every time you do some fingerpainting.
Well, it’s about time John Cleese got a lemur named after him. I mean, really—who hasn’t sat and asked themselves when such accolades would be forthcoming for the Minister of both Silly Walks and Silly Names? Huzzah, I say! Good show! Although my silly name is apparently Ms. Alyce Shockneck. Hm. And speaking of silly English things, can someone explain why “voodoomonkey.com” is actually buggerall.co.uk? Sure, buggerall is an amusing site, but what’s the voodoo monkey connection? And while you’re wasting time, consider this link I dug up from a long-ago file, which is labelled “If you have 8 minutes… worth it.” Guess I’ll have to trust myself on that one, but it could be rather silly.
With this I-have-no-time-to-play list we can learn many things:
Upon wondering if anyone in the Bush administration actually knows what’s going on in the Bush administration, a chum and I went back and forth via e-mail and created an assumed conversation at the White House …
“What Iraqi intelligence? I thought you had that?”
“No, no … He was the one getting it.”
“Whoa—I’m just the pizza delivery guy … “
“Wha—? Well come on over here, son. What do you think about Iraq having WMDs?”
“Did someone really order a pizza, or were you guys just looking for advice?”
“Just nod and agree with us, son—it’s not rocket science. We just want you to tell us how right we are.”
“We want to get the opinion of the average guy-on-the-street-holding-a-pizza.”
“Is that what I told you to say, Scooter? No? Then shut your damn pie hole.”
Christ, it must be the end of the world, if I’m agreeing wholeheartedly with Bill Frist:
If there are those who abuse the free enterprise system to advantage themselves and their businesses at the expense of all Americans, they ought to be exposed, and they ought to be ashamed. And ultimately, if the facts warrant it, I will support a federal anti-price gouging law. ["Frist orders oil price probe"; Oct. 27, 2005]
Of course, we’ll have to see if he puts his money where his mouth is … Or at least if he puts Cheney’s money where his mouth is.
[This post was snaked from the Noble Eavesdropper]
Gas prices have tripled in the last couple of years, and that’s not the only record set with fuel:
Well, no shit. You mean if you triple your prices you triple your profit? Is that how immoral, unethical, and unchecked capitalism works? Gee, never would’ve figured that one out. So now, when is Congress really going to look into price gouging, as well as price fixing within the industry?
For the record, I’ve come to be a not-until-I-find-Sunoco type of driver, because they are one of the few truly American gas companies and they buy NO oil from the Middle East. Sadly, they do have a tie-in with Wal-Mart, but I can let that slide in light of other developments …
Don Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney, from the business world – how much influence on their decisions? I think a lot – in how much the decisions reflect their connections with the cartels and the corporations and so forth, I think a lot. I think the president, too. You bring this sort of idea that the bottom line is everything. I will tell you, as a military man, the bottom line is not everything. It’s far from everything. … [Y]ou need overlap, you need redundancy. You need, as Powell used to say “decisive force.” … And when you are dealing with government in many ways, whether it’s Katrina, Rita, responding to a nuclear attack or whatever, you’d better have 10 cases of water where you think you need one. You’d better have 15 million MREs where you think you need only a million because you never know in a crisis, and the best way to be prepared is to have lots more than you think you’re going to need or want. And that’s just the reality of the way you do business in government and in the military as opposed to the way you do it at G.E. … It’s a very different environment. So when you have businessmen making the decisions within government, it’s not necessarily bad, but you’ve got to be willing to listen to other people who might have different opinions to those you have.
Col. Lawrence Wilkenson (Ret.); speaking at the New America Foundation; October 19, 2005
The administration’s performance during its first four years would have been even worse without Powell’s damage control. At least once a week, it seemed, Powell trooped over to the Oval Office and cleaned all the dog poop off the carpet. He held a youthful, inexperienced president’s hand. He told him everything would be all right because he, the secretary of State, would fix it. And he did — everything from a serious crisis with China when a U.S. reconnaissance aircraft was struck by a Chinese F-8 fighter jet in April 2001, to the secretary’s constant reassurances to European leaders following the bitter breach in relations over the Iraq war. It wasn’t enough, of course, but it helped. … Today, we have a president whose approval rating is 38% and a vice president who speaks only to Rush Limbaugh and assembled military forces. We have a secretary of Defense presiding over the death-by-a-thousand-cuts of our overstretched armed forces (no surprise to ignored dissenters such as former Army Chief of Staff Gen. Eric Shinseki or former Army Secretary Thomas White). It’s a disaster. Given the choice, I’d choose a frustrating bureaucracy over an efficient cabal every time.
Col. Lawrence Wilkenson (Ret.); L.A. Times op-ed piece; October 26, 2005
The top three worst shows all contain crude and raunchy dialogue with sex-themed jokes and foul language. Even worse is the fact that Hollywood is peddling its filth to families with cartoons.
So it turns out that The Family Guy and Desperate Housewives aren’t “family friendly.” Huh. Who woulda thunk? Thank God the Parents Television Council is staffed by geniuses who can see through the filth like that. Studies like this kill me, because all they really point out is that parents can’t plop junior down in front of the TV, then walk off. MY GOD! What am I saying? Could I possibly mean that parents have to … well … parent? Really, here’s the newsflash: Any parent who still thinks “cartoon = kids’ show” is a fucking moron. Oops. Did I swear? As Ice T once said, “Since when has parental guidance not been suggested?”
Of course, some of the shows cited as being so bad also are in the Top 20 … So you do the math.
Planet and moon…And speaking of TV, even hardy scientists like buxom lasses in form-enhancing leather: “[Xena] having a moon is just inherently cool—and it is something that most self-respecting planets have, so it is good to see that this one does, too.” And naturally, if the planet is Xena, the moon has been dubbed Gabrielle.
One thing I will say against TV, however: You won’t find out there that Chinese Star Anise cures bird flu. Nor will they tell you that this is so true, the main ingredient of Tamiflu—the drug du jour for bird flu—is Chinese Star Anise. In fact, Roche, the company behind Tamiflu, has nabbed 90% of the world’s crop of the plant. Is that a monopoly, my dear Congresspeople?
grrrr… DaphneFor no good reason, my wife and I were considering the shockwave that ran through the mall when the original Dragon’s Lair was unveiled. An animated video game? It was unbelievable, and at 50 cents a turn, prohibitively expensive. So we watched the high school kids—full of money, no doubt—work their ways through what amounted to little more than an animated Choose Your Own Adventure book. There was only one level, but I had totally forgotten that it ended with Daphne (insert angelic music) and a kiss … But now I remember why it was that a pimple-faced boy turned into a man by completing the game …
Turns out there was a good reason Daphne stirred the loins of prepubescent boys across the nation: “The animation staff used their own voices for their characters instead of hiring professional actors, in order to keep the costs down. … They also used several Playboy magazines as a reference guide for drawing Daphne.”
For more serious consideration: Why is nothing being done about internal memos proving that Mobil, Chevron, and Texaco conspired to close refineries and thus force demand for gas, thus artifically inflating prices?
And in a similar vein, why don’t the car manufacturers advertise the fact that many U.S. cars are actually “flexible fuel” cars (known as “flex cars,” which is not to be confused with the FlexCar car-sharing service). Flexible fuel cars, you see, can run on pure ethanol, gasoline, or any combination of the two, and ethanol is much cheaper than gasoline, cleaner to burn, and could be distilled from sugar. To see if your car is flexible, select “ethanol” from this link.
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